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For Sale: Murderous, Demonic Motorcycle

I hate/love Nigerian spammers. I hate that these people prey on the gullible and scared innocent well-wishers on the surface of the Internet. But I love it when they try to prey on me.

To quote Anthony Hopkins from “The Edge”: “Why is the rabbit unafraid? Because he’s smarter than the panther.”

Guest-contributor Blaine was trying to sell his motorcycle on Craiglist when the unthinkable happened: some no-good scammer tried to make him a rube! Thankfully, the ever-vigilante Blaine saw through the ruse and together we decided to fight back.

And hilarity ensued.

Hello I’m James John, I hail from Canada in Ottawa city, I came across your advert and am highly interested in Purchasing your (motorcycle) which you offer for sale at craigslist.com.I  Due to the fact that its been a long time have been searching for it, Please Kindly get back to me as soon as possible with the necessary answers to the question in mind,

Are you the first owner?
The present condition?
Your final asking price?
Why Do you want to sell It?

And I will also like you to send me Pictures to enable me view what I intend to purchase and i will like you to know that my form of payment is through a Certified Check or a USPS Money Order .. I await your urgent response so that we can proceed further

Regards
Jms.

Hello James,

Pleasure to hear from you. Thank you kindly for your interest in my bike.

In response to your questions:

- Am I the first owner? No I am not. According to the widow who sold it to me, I am the 5th owner of the bike in the past 11 months.

– Present condition. The bike does not have a single scratch on it and runs eerily well.

- Asking price. I am asking only $2700 with FREE shipping. I’d just like to get rid of it as soon as possible.

- Why am I selling it? I will be honest with you up front Mr John, I had some issues with this bike.

My intent isn’t to discourage you from purchasing what is without a doubt a very fine motorcycle sir, but my personal experience with it has been nothing but trouble.

I had my first wipe-out within a week of buying it. I wasn’t badly injured that time, but there was something strange about the accident — I was almost bucked off the bike like a wild horse. Now, I’ve had 15 years experience on all kinds of bikes. I’d never had anything like this happen. But myself and a number of mechanics found absolutely nothing wrong with the bike mechanically.

My second and third falls didn’t discourage me either; I chalked it up to bad luck. But my fourth fall took me down. Hard.

I’m out, Mr John, and I’m through with this and any other bike for good.

As I mentioned, the bike, despite 4 crashes in the past 3 months, hasn’t a single scratch or mark. It’s almost like it heals itself Mr John.

If you are still interested, just let me know. Certified check or USPS will be absolutely acceptable. I’ve attached a photo that my caretaker took this morning.

I eagerly await your response.

Derek

Hello ,
Thanks for your mail, I really do appreciate it,well everything sounds good and i’m okay with the price $2,700 and i’ll be willing to pay $2,800 So, I would want you to keep all other buyer’s off and also delete the advert from the website. Concerning payment you’ll be getting a check and also FOR CONVENIENT AND EASY TRANSACTION,I HAVE A LIABLE SHIPPING COMPANY THAT WOULD BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE PICK UP as soon as you receive payment for the Bike .I will therefore need the following information of you before the payment is sent just like the way you’ll want it to be on the check..

NAME IN FULL……..
ADDRESS IN FULL….
CITY…….
STATE…
COUNTRY……….
ZIP CODE…….
PHONE NUMBER.
EMAIL ADDRESS

I await your urgent response.

Thanks
James.

Mr John,

I have to come clean about something.

Prior to purchasing this bike, I did not consider myself a superstitious man. Nor a religious man.

When I first saw the bike at a yard sale, I was unexplainably drawn to it. I was taken aback by its allure. It was an incredible surge of power, almost a lust. And I couldn’t fight it. I didn’t want to.
The woman selling it privately took me aside and revealed its troubled past, just as I feel inclined to reveal to you, Mr John.

The bike had been bought by her husband, a marine who recently returned from Iraq, one month earlier. As she began to unfold the story, she grew solemn. And in her sincerity, there was undeniable fear. And concern.

She believed the bike to be possessed.

“El Diablo Rueda Dos” I believe she called it. I dismissed these claims initially, despite the undeniable and bizarre connection I was feeling toward the bike.
It had been bought and sold to countless people, she said, in some cases fetching over $25,000 from prospective buyers. But each owner suffered tragically at the handle bars of the this apparent “devil bike”.
She recounted each story as though she were present; a young woman buying her fiancé a new motorcycle as a gift — both killed.
A 45-year-old in a middle-age crisis — lost an entire foot and 3 fingers. A hotshot lawyer — kills himself and takes out a bus full of the elderly.
And her late husband — driven into oncoming traffic.

I didn’t fully believe it all. It had to be a coincidence. But I honestly didn’t care at the time. The bike needed me. I needed it.

She sold it to me for $6,000 under the promise never to return.

Mr John, I am completely paralyzed from the waist down. I don’t know what your belief system is, or if you believe in evil. But I can say without hesitation that this bike is demonic. I’ve experienced so many unexplainable things at its helm.

I am telling you this as a warning. The bike is a curse. And I can’t consciously sell it to you without telling you these things.

I will completely understand if you don’t want to risk your life and those you love. But if you are like I was, the power of the bike may be too overwhelming. It may be too late.

I am taking $500 off the price of the bike.

Let me know if we still have a deal.
Derek

Hi Derek,Thanks very much for the story,And i dont mind to buy the bike bcos i believe in my God i dont believe in evil okay so do not take any $500 out of the bike just get me the information i request from you so payment can be mail out to you fast and the shipping company can come for the pick up okay

I dont worry yourself about that okay,I know that nothing will happen to me in jesus name i pray Amen

Looking forward to hear from you and make sure you send me the information along okay

Jms.

Mr John, Well I cannot say I didn’t try. The bike, she is yours. And I pray that you are a stronger man than I.

I am being transferred to the Stanford Medical Center in a few days for surgery, but my sister-in-law has graciously volunteered to look over my finances while I’m gone.
Please mail payment to:

“Anna Barb”
[My address]

The bike itself is in Santa Maria, CA. Once payment is received we can organize a pickup using your shipping company.

It’s strange, Mr John. The bike, my precious bike: even with all the trouble it has caused me, I still cannot deny my affection for her.
Now it comes to it, I don’t feel like parting with it.
Pity. I should have liked to ride it one last time.

Thank you,
Derek

Thanks so much for the reply and the information you sent and concerning the payment I have contacted my my shipping company and they said they need their payment upfront so my you’ll be getting a check of nothing less than $5,700 which will be for your Car and also the shipping fee since i’ll be handling the shipping myself,so this is what you have to do..

When you get the check you just get it cashed or have it deposited into your account if that’ s what you want and you just deduct the amount for your Car which is $2,800 and also i’ll like you to have an extra $100 for your running around to make all your money $2,900 and after all that…… you will have to send the rest of money to my shipping company via western union money transfer……i will be giving you the shippers information to send money to after you have the check.. i hope this is not too much for you to handle and i really hope to read from you soon..

Note: All western union charges and bank fee for cashing must be deducted from the Shipping funds..

Thanks
Jms.

Hello James,

My name is Anna Barb. My brother-in-law Derek mentioned to me last week that you two were in some business transaction regarding his motorcycle, and that you’d be mailing me a check for its purchase and an advance on a payment to your shipping company. All this is fine and good; I will let you know when I receive payment and forward a check to the shipping company. But I was wondering if you might help me.

Derek has gone missing.
From what he’d told me you two have been pretty close these past weeks, and I’m sure you are aware of his recent tragic accident and his resulting medical conditions. I came to his home to pick him up early this morning, and he was just gone. He cannot move without his wheelchair James, and frankly I’m worried sick.
There’s no sign of struggle, it’s almost like he just got up and left.
He doesn’t own a car. And his motorcycle is still in the garage — but it’s warm, like it’s been ridden recently.
It simply doesn’t makes sense. First, he can’t physically drive a motorcycle in his condition. Secondly, after the accident, I don’t think he’d want to drive the motorcycle. And finally, if he did drive the motorcycle, how the hell would the damn thing get back in the garage!

James, do you have any idea what could have happened to Derek? Did he say anything to you?
Please please please, if you have ANY information I would forever be grateful.

Thank you James,
Anna

You know, I occasionally ask myself whether it’s morally correct for me to screw with these people. And then I am reaffirmed by emails like this one:

Hello Anna,Thanks very much for the mail and Sorry to hear about the derek accident but i dont have any idea for this bcos i dont know what you want me to about that now bcos  derek did not tell me anything about him okay….What i want to know is that do you still want to sell the Bike for me or you dont have the bike again ??Let me know so that my client can mail out the check okay,

Get back to me and let me know what you have in mind okay.

Jms.

In this scammer’s mind, his primary mark is dead. Actually dead. Or at least missing, presumably because of some haunted motorcycle, but for all intents and purposes, he’s dead. Instead of moving on, he continues to try and scam his grieving mark’s family.

Yes. I have no regrets.

Yes. The bike.

She is such a good bike. My precious bike.

But yes. Derek would have wanted it sold. Yes. Derek wanted you to have it. I will sell it to you yes.

How much did you two agree on for her? She is a beautiful bike. Most beautiful.

Please take it quickly before I change my mind.

Anna

Hello Anna,Thanks very much for the message,I have your information with me where to send the check to okay and concerning the payment I have contacted my my shipping company and they said they need their payment upfront so my you’ll be getting a check of nothing less than $5,700 which will be for your Bike and also the shipping fee since i’ll be handling the shipping myself,so this is what you have to do..

When you get the check you just get it cashed or have it deposited into your account if that’ s what you want and you just deduct the amount for your Bike which is $2,800 and also i’ll like you to have an extra $100 for your running around to make all your money $2,900 and after all that…… you will have to send the rest of money to my shipping company via western union money transfer……i will be giving you the shippers information to send money to after you have the check… i hope this is not too much for you to handle and i really hope to read from you soon..

Note: All western union charges and bank fee for cashing must be deducted from the Shipping funds..

Thanks

Google: “Latin phrases”

SHE IS MINE YOU CANNOT HAVE DESCENSUS IN CUNICULI CAVUM DULCE PERICULUM AB INCUNABULIS DULCE PERICULUM DRACO DORMIENS NUNQUAM TITILLANDUS DE OMNI RE SCIBILI ET QUIBUSDAM ALIIS AURUM POTESTAS EST QUID NUNC QUO FATA FERUNT QUIA SUAM UXOREM ETIAM SUSPICIORE VACARE VELLET BELLUM OMNIUM CONTRA OMNES AD MULTOS ANNOS AEGRI SOMNIA ANTE MORTEM

For the curious, this Latin jibberish roughly translates to: “The descent into the cave of the rabbit danger is sweet from the cradle danger is sweet a sleeping dragon is never to be tickled about every knowable thing, and even certain other things gold is power what now where the fates bear us to because he should wish even his wife to be free from suspicion war of all against all to many years a sick man’s dreams to death”

A few days later …

Greetings Mr. James John,

My name is Hobbes O’Riley and I am a distribution agent at Hawkins & Choke Legal.
I would first like to extend my deepest condolences to you regarding your close friend Derek McKibbins. And now tragically, Anna Barb.
Their passing was certainly a shock to everyone. And I’m sure the bizarre circumstances are nothing more than unsettling for you and your family, and you have my sympathies.
As you’ve no doubt heard on the news, the police investigation turned up a will apparently hand-written by Derek shortly before his disappearance.
The will was crudely scribbled and damaged, but our team at Hawkins has deemed it legally sound.

Mr. John, you are named as a benefactor in the will.
You are stated to inherit Derek’s Honda CR 250 motorcycle, and a lump sum of $75,000.

I understand the grieving period may have not passed for you, Mr. John, but when you are ready we can discuss the proper distribution of your inheritance. I will be blunt though: the McKibbins family is not entirely happy with this arrangement, as many claim to have never even heard of your name. But the law is very clear in this case, Mr. John, and you have it on your side.
Please feel free to contact me

Cheers
–
Hobbes O’Riley
Senior Director of Distribution
Hawking & Choke Legal Counsel

Hello Mr. James John,

Sorry I have not heard back from you.
I am handling the estate of Anna Barb and I have here a check from you in the amount of $5,700, in payment for the Honda CR motorcycle.
As you have legally inherited said motorcycle, I presume you no longer wish to purchase what is now your own property. Also, recall that you are the prime benefactor for Derek McKibbins’ $75,000 inheritance.
I understand this may be a lot to handle Mr. John, and we at Hawkins and Choke would like to make the distribution process as easy as possible for our clients and their families.
To what address would you like me to mail your check for $75,000?

Thank you Mr. John and I hope you are having a wonderful day.

Cheers
–
Hobbes O’Riley
Senior Director of Distribution
Hawking &  Choke Legal Counsel

Here is the shippers information to send the extra Funds to Via Either Western Union Or Money Gram and i will want you to get that done right away.

Name : ANGELA DEWEY
City : FLEMING ISLAND
State : FLORIDA
Zip Code : 32003

So as soon as money has been sent i will need the information below

Senders Name and full Address
Exact amount sent after deducting transfer fee
MTCN # if its Western union
Reference # if its Money Gram
scanned Receipt of the Money Transfer slip

Get back to me as soon as u get this message

Thanks
James.

Mr. James John,

Unfortunately due to US federal law, the accounting department here at Hawkins and Choke can only disperse increments of $100,000.
Due to the circumstances, we are graciously extending a great deal amount of trust and respect on your part, Mr. John. We will mail you a check for $100,000, from which you can deduct the $75,000 that you are entitled, plus $2,500 for your running around. You will then mail the remaining money via Western Union wire transfer to our regional offices in Switzerland.

Cheers
–
Hobbes O’Riley
Senior Director of Distribution
Hawking & Choke Legal Counsel