2009 Sprocket Awards
The "Sprockie"
It’s time for the 2009 year-end review. And to make this a little easier to digest, I’m giving out fictitious awards to celebrate the best and worst in the world of technology, science and entertainment.
We had some highlights. Twitter somehow became popular, giving rise to yet another way to procrastinate via the Internet. The LHC appears to be moving closer to destroying the universe or giving some scientists new physics to play with. And Saturday Night Live, after almost a decade under the radar, has finally figured out how to be funny again.
Also we have our first black president or something.
We’re also closing out the decade — a decade of nostalgia. Unsure what to actually call the years 2000 to 2009 (the “naughts”? the “zeros”?), we instead looked backwards to reminisce about decades we could actually pronounce. While this will make for some awkward future nostalgia (“Remember how we used to remember about Ninja Turtles?”), we surely welcome 2010. At last we have the “teens”. And yes, I am officially declaring 2010 – 2012 the “teens” as well. I’m not dealing with this crap for another 3 years.
Anyway, without further post padding, the 2009 Sprocket Awards.
53 Predictions for 2010
"I see ... spackle and a ceiling fan."
No lie.
A while back, I said to a friend, “You know what they should do? Have Tim Burton redo Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with Johnny Depp as Wonka.”
Years later, after my Wonka reboot surfaced and fueled by my own sense of self-importance, I said to the same friend, “You know what else they should do? Have Tim Burton redo Alice in Wonderland with Scarlett Johansson as Alice.”
Okay, so I got half of that last one.
But my amazing clairvoyance was more than proven in my mind. And today I will demonstrate that my power extends beyond future Tim Burton projects.
So before everyone makes their end-of-the-year predictions for 2010, I’m going to make this more difficult on myself and make 2010 predictions two months in advance.
What will we find in 2010? Here we go:
- Michael Jackson’s secret song library leaks onto the Internet. Kanye samples using stupid pitch-correction effect. Jackson post-humorously wins Grammy.
- Twitter viruses galore. Ellen inadvertently infects millions of house-wives; husbands forced to fix the damn computer again.
- Windows 7 fails to impress; Apple gloats in increasingly unfunny ads.
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