function GetRandomTitle() { var title = Analyze(Structure()); title = title.replace(" \'s","\'s"); title = title.replace(" !", "!"); title = title.replace(" ?", "?"); title = title.replace(" :", ":"); return ('
  • ' + title + '<\/li>'); } function Structure(){ var structures = [ "[noun_tech_plural] Are Absolutely Useless", "[number_mid] New Ways To [verb_tech]", "[number_mid] Ways That [noun_people] Use [noun_tech_plural]", "Why Are We Still Using [noun_tech_plural] ?", "[number_small] Reasons [noun_company] Should [verb_business]", "Why [noun_company] Should [verb_business]", "Top [number_small] Ways To [verb_tech]", "[noun_tech_plural] : Looking Beyond Web 2.0", "Making Sense Of [noun_program]", "Is [noun_program] Already Outdated?", "Are You Using [noun_program] ? [noun_people] Are!", "[verb_tech] In Less Than [number_mid] Minutes", "How To [verb_tech] Using [noun_language]", "The [number_small] [adjective_attention] Ways To [verb_tech]", "[number_mid] Reasons I Don\'t Use [noun_website]" , "[number_small] Reasons You Should Be Using [noun_website]", "How To Make Money On [noun_website]", "[noun_website] v. [noun_website] : Which Is Better?", "[noun_company] Should Develop New [noun_tech_general_single]", "Why [noun_language] Is Better Than [noun_language]", "Promote Your Website Using [noun_website]", "[noun_program] Explained In Under [number_big] Words", "How To Waste An Afternoon On [noun_website]", "Why [noun_people] Hate [noun_website]", "Why [noun_person] Loves [noun_website]", "Why [noun_people] Love [noun_website]", "Why [noun_person] Hates [noun_website]", "How [noun_people] Are Using [noun_website] To [verb_attention]", "How To Find A Job Using [noun_website]", "How [noun_website] Will Change In 2010", "The Single [adjective_attention] New [noun_tech_general_single] Of 2009", "[number_mid] Things That Every New [noun_tech_general_single] Must Have", "The Downfall Of [noun_tech_plural]", "[number_mid] Reasons To Love [noun_company]", "[number_mid] Simple Ways To [verb_attention]", "How The Open Source Revolution Will Affect [noun_company]", "Why [noun_company] Should Worry About Cloud Computing", "[number_small] Things You Didn\'t Know About [noun_company]", "[number_small] Secrets About The Future Of [noun_program]", "[number_mid] Ways To Use [noun_program] To [verb_attention]", "[number_mid] Alternatives To [noun_website]", "[number_small] Simple Hacks To Make Money On [noun_website]", "Challenge: Don\'t Use [noun_website] For [number_small] Days", "Top [number_small] Add-ons For [noun_program]", "[number_small] Things That MUST Be In The Next [noun_program] Update" , "[number_mid] Ways To [verb_attention] Before Lunch" , "[number_mid] Things Wrong With [noun_program]", "[noun_people] And [noun_tech_general_plural]", "[noun_person] And [noun_tech_single]", "The [number_mid] Best [noun_tech_general_plural] Of 2009", "[number_small] [noun_tech_general_plural] To Watch For In 2010", "The [number_mid] Best [noun_nerd] Moments", "Top [number_small] [noun_nerd] Videos", "[noun_nerd] : Top [number_mid] Quotes", "Seriously, Follow [noun_person] On Twitter", "Following [noun_person] On Twitter: [number_small] Weeks Later", "Why [noun_people] Love [noun_nerd]" , "Top [number_mid] People To Follow On Twitter: Including [noun_person] !", "Do NOT Follow [noun_person] On Twitter!", "A Comprehensive Analysis Of [noun_person] \'s Facebook Profile", "Why [noun_person] And [noun_person] Don\'t Mix", "The [number_mid] Best [noun_tech_general_plural] As Chosen By [noun_person]", "Hollywood Should Reboot [noun_nerd] Again", "Top [number_mid] Tech Flaws In [noun_nerd]", "[noun_people] And [noun_tech_general_plural] : Why We\'re Screwed.", "Why [noun_person] Loves [noun_tech_general_plural] And You Should Too! ", "Flashback: Top [number_mid] [noun_tech_general_plural] Of 1995", "[noun_people] And [noun_weird_plural]", "My [adjective_attention] [noun_tech_general_single] Purchases Of 2009", "We Need An Official [noun_nerd] iPhone App!", "The Top [number_big] iPhone Apps", "[number_mid] Reasons Twitter Should Switch To [number_big] Characters Per Tweet", "Do You Really Need To Follow More Than [number_mid] People on Twitter?", "The Next [noun_website] Craze", "Top [number_mid] [adjective_attention] FOX News Moments!", "[number_small] Wasted Days On [noun_website] that I Won't Be Getting Back", "New Scam: Using [noun_website] To Steal Identities", "The [number_small] Best YouTube Videos On [noun_weird_plural]", "Reinventing [noun_tech_general_plural] From Scratch", "[noun_weird_plural] : A Retrospect", "Mourning the Death Of [noun_weird_plural]", "A Social Network Dedicated To [noun_weird_plural] ?", "[noun_weird_plural] In The 90\'s", "[number_small] New Rules About [noun_weird_plural]", "[number_mid] Things You Didn't Know About [noun_weird_plural]", "I Hate [noun_weird_plural]", "An iPhone App Dedicated To [noun_weird_plural]", "[noun_company] : [number_mid] Years From Now", "New FOX Show: Starring [noun_person] ?", "What Was [noun_person] Thinking?", "Customer Service Horror Stories: [noun_company] Edition", "Top [number_small] Ads Featuring [noun_weird_plural]", "[number_small] Things You Didn't Know About [noun_people]", "[noun_tech_general_plural] : [number_mid] Years From Now", "Spoiler Alert! The Future Of [noun_nerd]", ]; return (GetRandom(structures)); } function Analyze(theString) { var outstring = ""; var words = theString.split(" "); var nWords = words.length; for (var i = 0; i < nWords; i++) { if(words[i][0] == "[") { if(words[i].indexOf("noun") >= 0) { var noun = Noun(words[i]); outstring = outstring + " " + noun; } else if(words[i].indexOf("verb") >= 0) { var verb= Verb(words[i]); outstring = outstring + " " + verb; } else if(words[i].indexOf("adjective") >= 0) { var adjective = Adjective(words[i]); outstring = outstring + " " + adjective; } else if(words[i].indexOf("number") >= 0) { var number = theNumber(words[i]); outstring = outstring + " " + number; } else { outstring = outstring + " " + words[i]; } } else { outstring = outstring + " " + words[i]; } } return outstring; } function Noun(theType) { var out = theType.toString(); var noun_tech_single = ["The iPhone", "The Internet", "Twitter", "Facebook", "MySpace", "The Blog", "The iPhone App", "The MP3", "Android"]; var noun_tech_plural = ["iPhones", "Black Berries" , "Tweets" , "Computers" , "Websites" , "Facebook Profiles", "Cameras","iPhone Apps", "CDs", "Floppy Disks", "Ringtones", "Cell Phones", "Hybrid Cars", "Computer Monitors", "Laptops", "MP3 Players", "iPods", "Zunes", "Screensavers"]; var noun_company = ["Apple" , "Microsoft" , "Google", "Twitter", "Facebook" , "MySpace" , "eBay" , "Amazon", "Mozilla", "Adobe", "HP", "Dell", "Intel", "Starbucks", "RadioShack", "Best Buy", "Home Depot", "Walmart", "GameStop", "NASA", "YouTube"]; var noun_tech_general_single = ["Phone" , "Browser" , "Software" , "Computer", "Camera", "Video Game", "Operating System", "Hard Drive"]; var noun_tech_general_plural = ["Phones" , "Browsers" , "Computers", "Cameras", "Video Games", "Operating Systems" , "Hard Drives"]; var noun_people = ["Nerds" , "Engineers" , "Your Parents" , "People" , "Women", "Men" , "Republicans" , "Apple Fanboys", "Spammers", "Fortune 500 Companies", "Industry Insiders", "Silicon Valley Twenty-Somethings", "Children", "Nigerians", "Teenagers" , "Scientologists" , "US Businesses", "The Chinese" ]; var noun_person = ["Steve Jobs" , "Bill Gates" , "Obama", "The RIAA", "The Media", "Your Employer", "The Government", "My Wife", "Your Wife", "Your Future Boss" , "Adam Savage", "Jeff Goldblum", "Keifer Sutherland", "Chuck Norris", "Batman", "Steven Hawking", "Tina Fey" , "David Cross", "NASA" , "George Lucas", "FOX News" , "FOX", "The Octo Mom", "The Discovery Channel", "Sarah Palin", "Morgan Webb" , "North Korea"]; var noun_language = ["C++" , "C#" , "JavaScript" , "Python" , "Apple Basic", "Ruby", "AJAX", "HTML", "ASP.NET", "MATLAB", "Binary", "J#", "Objective-C"]; var noun_program = ["Twitter" , "Facebook" , "MySpace" , "Google Maps", "Google" ,"Firefox" , "iTunes", "Internet Explorer", "Google Voice", "Chrome", "Google OS", "Photoshop", "MATLAB", "Ubuntu", "Linux"]; var noun_website = ["Twitter" , "Google" , "Bing" , "Yahoo", "Facebook" , "MySpace" , "Digg" , "Reddit", "Amazon" , "eBay","NeoSprockets", "Craigslist" , "Slashdot", "LinkedIn", "CNN.com" , "FOX News", "DrudgeReport", "Woot.com" , "YouTube"]; var noun_nerd = ["\"Star Wars\"" , "\"Battlestar Galactica\"" , "\"Lord of the Rings\"" , "\"Star Trek\"" , "\"X-Files\"", "\"Fringe\"" , "\"Terminator\"", "\"Back to the Future\"", "\"Mythbusters\"", "\"Arrested Development\"", "\"Firefly\"", "\"Monty Python\'s Holy Grail\"", "\"The Simpsons\""]; var noun_weird_plural = [ "Tattoos", "Haircuts" , "Calculators" , "Pick-up Lines" , "Mouse Pads" , "Carbon Emissions", "Carpal Tunnel Syndrome" , "Business Cards" , "Shoes" , "Aviator Sunglasses" , "Sarcasm", "Movie Soundtracks" , "VHS Tapes" , "Collectible Star Wars Toys", "Exercise" , "Weird Al Concerts", "Troll Dolls", "Slap-on Braclets", "Hang Nails", "Spin Doctor CDs", "Wikipedia Articles" , "80's Movies" , "90's Movies" , "Batman Villians" , "Cosplay" , "\"CSI: Miami\"", "Moon Landing Conspiracies"]; if (out.indexOf("tech_single") >= 0) { out = GetRandom(noun_tech_single); } if (out.indexOf("tech_plural") >= 0) { out = GetRandom(noun_tech_plural); } if (out.indexOf("company") >= 0) { out = GetRandom(noun_company); } if (out.indexOf("tech_general_single") >= 0) { out = GetRandom(noun_tech_general_single); } if (out.indexOf("tech_general_plural") >= 0) { out = GetRandom(noun_tech_general_plural); } if (out.indexOf("people") >= 0) { out = GetRandom(noun_people); } if (out.indexOf("person") >= 0) { out = GetRandom(noun_person); } if (out.indexOf("language") >= 0) { out = GetRandom(noun_language); } if (out.indexOf("program") >= 0) { out = GetRandom(noun_program); } if (out.indexOf("website") >= 0) { out = GetRandom(noun_website); } if (out.indexOf("nerd") >= 0) { out = GetRandom(noun_nerd); } if (out.indexOf("weird_plural") >= 0) { out = GetRandom(noun_weird_plural); } return Analyze(out); } function Verb(theType) { var out = theType.toString(); var verb_tech = ["Web Surf" , "Use [noun_program]" , "Program In [noun_language]", "Advertise Your Website", "[verb_attention]", "Compete With [noun_website]", "Get A Job With [noun_company]", "Waste A Saturday", "Hack"]; var verb_business = ["Merge With [noun_company]", "File Lawsuit Against [noun_company]", "Compete With [noun_company]", "Invest In [noun_company]", "Partner With [noun_company]", "Integrate With [noun_company]", "Start New Business With [noun_company]", "Go Bankrupt", "Succeed In 2010"]; var verb_exagerate = ["Explode When Used", "Corrupt Children", "Destroy Humanity As We Know It"]; var verb_attention = ["Get Rich", "Retire", "Go Green" , "Make It Big" , "Attract Visitors To Your Site", "Fight Global Warming" , "Make Millions" ,"Build A Website", "Start A Company", "Save the Planet" , "Get Laid", "Reduce Carbon Emmissions", "Attract Members Of The Opposite Sex", "Get Dates" ]; if (out.indexOf("tech") >= 0) { out = GetRandom(verb_tech); } if (out.indexOf("business") >= 0) { out = GetRandom(verb_business); } if (out.indexOf("exagerate") >= 0) { out = GetRandom(verb_exagerate); } if (out.indexOf("attention") >= 0) { out = GetRandom(verb_attention); } return Analyze(out); } function Adjective(theType) { var out = theType.toString(); var adjective_simple = ["Amazing", "Awful", "Interesting", "Useless", "Invaluable", "Important", "Powerful", "Complex", "Obsolete"]; var adjective_attention = ["Cheapest" , "Most Expensive" , "Easiest", "Hardest", "Most \"WTF\"", "Most Obvious", "Most Obnoxious" , "Most Significant", "Least Significant", "Best", "Worst", "Most Disapointing", "Most Surprising", "Sexiest" , "Stupidest" , "Lamest" , "Most Embarassing"]; if (out.indexOf("simple") >= 0) { out = GetRandom(adjective_simple); } if (out.indexOf("attention") >= 0) { out = GetRandom(adjective_attention); } return Analyze(out); } function theNumber(theType) { var out = theType.toString(); var number_mid = ["10", "20", "50"]; var number_small = ["3" , "5", "8", "10"]; var number_big = ["100" , "250" , "300" ]; if (out.indexOf("mid") >= 0) { out = GetRandom(number_mid); } if (out.indexOf("small") >= 0) { out = GetRandom(number_small); } if (out.indexOf("big") >= 0) { out = GetRandom(number_big); } return Analyze(out); } function GetRandom(myArray) { var l = myArray.length; var n = Math.floor(Math.random()*(l)); var i = myArray[n]; return i; }